"The Love Language of All Marriages is Self-Denial"- When Laziness Turns "I Do" Into "I Wish I Hadn't"

A woman came into my office today and right away she felt compelled to empty her mind of her frustrations with her husband and then tell me "Be sure you love him before you say 'I do' because otherwise after 15 years of being his wife by night and mother by day, you will wish you hadn't." Ouch! She then began to share why she had lost all respect and adoration for her soulmate.

It's very sad to hear women share their burdened hearts about their husband's unwillingness to help around the house. I truly believe every good woman wants to love on their husband and take care of their home without needing to request assistance but the truth is, they get tired and they feel hurt that the one they love is happy to receive the blessings but not willing to lend a hand.

Men, you can't just be a 9-5 husband, you can't be satisfied with making a paycheck and letting your wife do everything at home, raise the kids, and work a job. Show some grace, please. It's okay if you have never had to do laundry, maybe it's time to show your lady some love and learn. Don't be afraid, we all have to learn at some point, it's better to do it now while you are still married than to have an angry wife or even worse, no wife and no one to do it for you. If you wanted a mother, you shouldn't have found a wife.


Mothers, please teach your sons to cook, clean, and have an overall respect for people who help them with those needs. You would hate to be the source of frustration when he gets married and his wife realizes that you did everything for him and now he is inexperienced and unwilling.

Just listening to these women makes my heart sad knowing that they loved this man but now feel abused by all of his expectations and lack of help. Respect is very important to a man, however when these husbands exasperate their wives so much, they break down the respect that their wife once had for them.

Now, wives, here is also something I have observed (and been guilty of as well) that I also know to be a sinful attitude in marriages.....anger comes from fear, frustration or hurt. Ask yourself: Why am I angry? What do I fear? What is the source of my frustration? Why am I hurt? If you break it down, you are left with pride and selfishness. I'll bet you are keeping score in your marriage. Are you showing signs of long-suffering?

It's easy to allow dirty socks and the unfounded unwillingness to rinse a cup and place it in the dishwasher to become grounds in your mind for why you have reason to respect him less, treat him badly or worse, publicly vent about your marriage....however, the lack of: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control are equally sinful in the eyes of the Lord.

Can I say that I know the answer to this? No. I'm sure every woman who has experienced this form of frustration in her marriage would say that the answer is simply "He should help!" but yelling at him to help you is equally effective as him yelling back for you to show him respect. Grace, prayer, long-suffering, prayer, patience, and some more prayer is going to be necessary. Once the Lord convicts him and he starts trying to help, grace, grace, a whole lot of grace! He is learning. Don't treat him like a child by being demeaning however, know that he is trying to show you love by helping and that you might have to let go of some things (OCD tendencies ladies?!) and be patient as he learns. What you will realize is that while he is learning how to wash a dish or clean clothes, you are learning the art of submission and prayer.

Convicting isn't it? 

Something I recently was introduced to is the idea of a "Love Tank".....

For more information on the concept of a "Love Tank" visit this website

When Wisdom Gets Removed and the Thunder Rolls

My memory in the process of writing these blog posts was sadly lacking! I completely forgot to share our favorite memory from the beginning of our relationship!

If you'll bear with me, I will take you back to Tuesday, July 29, 2014 and Wednesday, July 30, 2014. 

David remembers Tuesday as a day of fear and anxiety, of not knowing if his wisdom tooth extractions were going to end up with him in the hospital due to his body's slow clotting abilities. In fact, it is David who reminded me of this day in our history because to him, this was the moment he knew he loved me. We had made a habit of texting around the clock and Tuesday was no different except I knew he had surgery and he was definitely nervous about bleeding out and not waking up. I don't know how it came down to music but I remember us sending each other country music clips from the 90s to help distract him. It seemed to work until the afternoon brought out more fears in David than I could calm down. This is the moment I mentioned a few posts back where I prayed for God to show me David's faith. It was around 3am and I didn't want David to be too tired right before the surgery so we ended our conversation. I prayed for about an hour, lifting up David's health and spiritual life, asking for quick healing and a clear view of his faith. 

We both only ended up waking up at 6am and soon after, my phone went off. David had sent me a verse without any knowledge of my burdened heart or prayers the night before. I was comforted and felt at peace about our progressing friendship and set out to help him maintain his nerves as he was taken to the dentist office. While he was in the waiting room, he mentioned that he really likes "Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks. I wasn't in a place to call him but I wanted to comfort him so I began typing out the lyrics to the song as a technologically advanced form of singing to him. Corny? Very much so. Did I care? Not one bit, I was falling for him. 

His surgery went very fast (I'm not jealous :P, his was merely 30min and mine was roughly 2 1/2 hours) and despite my initial push for him to nap, he said he was home alone for the weekend and wanted me to keep texting him so I would know if he ended up having a bad reaction to anything. It took all of my self-control to not hop over to make him jello and pudding and mashed potatoes and rice and ice cream and and and and. The best I could do was put a get-well kit together for him and deliver it to one of his friends so they could deliver it to him. I didn't know what he had or didn't have so there was an ice pack, two boxes of jello, two boxes of pudding, herbal tea to help stop the bleeding and sooth the gums, and gauze. 

To add to it all, his grandmother's (Mamos) health had taken a turn for the worse about a week before David's surgery. She was in a coma and his family had gone to see her in case God called her home. David has a very close connection with his Mamos and it broke his heart that he was not there to say good-bye but due to the surgery, he was in no place to make the eight hour trip to see her. Comforting him was very difficult from across town but it allowed an opportunity for him to share his favorite memories of his Mamos and Papos with me. 

We ended up talking all night long and though I wish I had encouraged him more forcefully to sleep, I look back and remember that being the night that I fell 100% in love with him and how much I wanted to be by his side forever. Tuesday July 29, 2014, David fell in love with me. Wednesday, July 30, 2014, I fell in love with David and allowed it to begin growing without limits. 

PS: Mamos ended up making an (almost) full recovery. She learned that she is diabetic and has slowly worked toward restoring her health. She still has a ways to go but we are all so happy to be blessed with another year with her. I have only been blessed to speak with her over the phone a few times and in person over the course of a family wedding but I love her dearly and can see why David holds her so close to his heart. She has both inspired and encouraged David, supported his dreams and ignited a fire to fight for his future. 

One Year Down, Many More to Come

Well sweetheart, tomorrow marks a year since we first truly met. I used to wish I could go back in time and change how I treated you, how I made you feel. I am glad I don't have that ability, I honestly don't think we would be where we are today except that God brought us here with each step. We are 5 months from our own wedding, yet today, all I can think about was the wedding we met at a year ago. Sure, we saw each other before the wedding but it wasn't until July 19, 2014 that God brought us to the point of speaking and in a week more, it will mark the beginning of our friendship. You are my best friend and the love of my life. You are my comforter and my favorite fishing buddy :D .

Thank you for this past year. For putting up with my craziness and taking the time to console my broken heart. For being my partner in crime, for not judging me when I consume a family size bag of Doritos solo, for taking me all over to all the wedding shows in an effort to expend me of my crazy wedding planning energy so you don't have to listen to my unbearable indecisiveness between tables/no tables, veil/no veil, haha. I will forever treasure our times of trial and healing, our late night discussions on the hard things of life and your unwavering devotion. I look forward to many more because they remind me that no matter what, love is a choice, one that we have both continued to make during some of the hardest parts of our lives thus far. Things are looking up my love, we will soon be husband and wife and no matter what this world continues to throw at us, we will have each other and with God, that is all that matters.

I love you handsome, I can't wait to see what the next 5 months bring us. I wouldn't want to venture through life with anyone else. ~Your Bride

When God Says Go

In our year of financial struggles, we both set in our minds that we would do our job and prepare for rain. May 2015 brought so much rain (literally and figuratively) that our cups of joy were overflowing. We knew God had His BEST in mind for us and we were at peace in His timing.

Nine months of constantly filling multiple applications daily, scouring the classifieds and online job listings, God taught us to be still. We reluctantly let go of our desire for control over our job situation and what seemed to be a dry spell turned into the biggest flood of provision I have ever felt in my life. We both heard back from prospective employers simultaneously and after the shock wore off, we both realized the weight of prayerfully considering each job and seeking God's will before we accepted. David had four jobs to choose from and I had three. "My cup runeth over" was at the forefront of my mind and still to this day, I feel so incredibly blessed by not only the jobs we have but also by the lesson that the Lord had taught us both.

We learned to be patient even when it scares us, when we don't know how we will get him to work because we might not have enough money to buy the gas more less pay the car note. We learned to see the blessing in disguise, letting a job pass by because it was detrimental to my health. Lastly we learned how to draw closer to each other and how pivotal it is for us to make God the center of our relationship and take our concerns to the Lord.

When things looked the most grim, we realized our love for each other the most. Sure there weren't many outings and gift giving was beyond minimal (read: making each other rice and chicken and watching Netflix off another family member's account = date night) but I honestly wouldn't change anything for any amount of material things. My favorite gift from David is still his hugs. How far into a marriage do people normally go before they experience hard times that are the determining factor of if they stay or go. How far into a marriage does one of the spouses experience illness or physical-mental turmoil due to health issues?

"For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health"

We weren't even engaged at that point and we both had quickly learned the weight of those words and decided if these were vows we were ready to put into action. How many people make it to the alter and repeat those words without a true understanding of the promises they are making? It was difficult to go through all of that with my boyfriend but it solidified in my mind his love for me and his determination to see us through to the day we became husband and wife and the many decades to follow. 

We prepared the fields for nine months and God brought the rain...with a focus on our heart's desires.

I am so proud of David for becoming a security officer and pursuing the first chapter toward his dream. He sure does looks good in his uniform ;)

We never doubted God's plans, even in our darkest hour, even when empty soda cans paid our bills. 

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Planning and Parties

After our engagement in January, we settled on our wedding date. December 19, 2015 will be the day we will cease being two people and step into married life. 

Our first post-engagement date was to a local store to set up our registry! It was a tad early in our wedding plans but it was so much fun taking time out of our lives to imagine establishing our home together in a year's time. 

We quickly learned how much fun wedding shows are too! Not to mention, how profitable the vendor information is. 

 I think we look so young in this photo. He's so handsome!!!!!!




Wedding planning has been a lot of fun and I am sure as we get closer, it will pick up moments of stress but God has shown Himself to us in so many ways.

Perfect Will for an Imperfect Couple

Time seemed to fly by in one moment and creep along in the other. We were barely keeping afloat. We both had our biggest needs provided at no cost but it seemed that even our smallest bills were too much to handle. Our desires for a short engagement were not looking to be possible any time soon. We decided to be happy in the chapter we were dwelling in instead of rushing into the next one outside of God's timing.

Thanksgiving came and went, so did Christmas and New Years. January 3, 2015 we hosted a holiday party for our friends in an effort to have a game night, something that was becoming more and more difficult to execute. Despite me breaking my right hand New Years Eve, we were able to follow through with the party. It was so much fun to have everyone together and start introducing our friends to each other. We ate, played a few rounds of laughter filled games and as the night was closing in, we took a group photo. 

It was at this point, when everyone started filing out of the room that I realized this wasn't your average holiday party. 

He told me how much he loved me and that he couldn't think of anyone else he'd want to spend the rest of his life with. I started crying as soon as he started talking. Poor guy wasn't able to say everything he wanted to say before my emotions influenced his.

(I am not a pretty crier haha)

I said yes!

We both knew that our desires for a short engagement might not be God's Will but at least we had each other and the knowledge that we would soon be husband and wife. We left the details in God's hands.

As the congratulations came to a close, David confessed that he had secured the ring two months prior and that he took the ring everywhere to show everyone for the first few weeks haha. He is such a spirited man. I loved hearing the stories from all of our friends about when and how David told them his plans and showed them the ring. Nothing made me more joyful than hearing David's love toward me shared through each and every one of our loved ones. He is truly a loving man and I am going to be his lucky wife!

From Best Friend to Best Friend for Life

I am not exactly sure when we started dating but I know that it was some time around August 3, 2014. We didn't go out to dinner or the movies, we mostly spoke on the phone for the first month of our relationship. In the span of a month and a half, we learned so much about each other and I loved every minute. We both had so many "getting to know you" questions that we made a game of asking them. We traded off asking and answering until we ran out of questions for the day so we would share about our day and start over the next day with a new list of questions. It was exciting learning about him and his childhood. He was also a military brat and was blessed with the opportunity to travel so many places. 

It wasn't long before we shifted from learning about our pasts to asking about our futures. What do you want to do for a living? What are you most passionate about? Where do you want to be 2,5,10 years from now? What does a family look like to you? These were just some of the thought provoking, heart studying questions we threw back and forth.

I was amazed with how deep his thoughts were. Over the years, I had learned that a guy who is a deep thinker/intellectual was hard to come by. David was definitely holding back a flood of intelligence but here and there, I would get a peak at his mind...it was beautiful. 

As time went on, I realized just how blessed I was by his friendship. 

David is such a compassionate soul and he has a wonderful providing tendency. It wasn't long before he was bringing me food to bible study to make sure I had something my body could tolerate. He would bring me chai tea at work when he knew my blood sugar was unstable. If there was an accident on the road I frequently drove home, he would warn me and ask me to take another route to make sure I got home safely. It was no surprise that he wanted to be a police officer. God definitely has given him a heart of protection. 

He not only spoke of wanting to protect my safety but he wanted even more to protect my heart. He was determined to bring God glory in our relationship.

When things got tough in the fall, David stepped up to make sure everything was provided for. As best he could, he worked to cover bills and when his hours were low, he was right next to me doing odd jobs to make ends meet. It was right around this point that we knew we wanted to be together till death do us part. We talked about getting married AS SOON as our financial struggles were over but God had a different timeline than us. We were at peace though, because we had each other.

Heavenly Conviction, Oh How You Sting

A week after the wedding, I completed my Nutritional Counselling degree (WOOHOO!!!) and treated myself to the all distracting Facebook. I created a profile and added everyone I knew. One of the first people I looked for was the new bride! I knew she, and her guests, would have uploaded wedding photos and I was curious how they turned out. I found her no problem but when I went to add the groom, I was faced with an interesting dilemma. You see, the oldest's middle name is David, and the middle son's first name is David. I could not remember the groom's name for the life of me so I added them both. Then it dawned on me that I had added the middle son and I quickly cancelled that request.

As far as I can remember, David messaged me a day later saying "This might sound weird but did you add me and then cancel the friend request?" I turned red, my heart jumped out of my chest and took a lap around my house, and I again was left with this decision of being a friend or ignoring him. I chose to ignore him.

A few days later, I went to a Jonny Diaz concert where he performed They Need Love. Though I didn't see David as a man who had fallen from his faith, I was still convicted about every person's need for Christ's love in every stage of life. God spoke to me again that night but much more clearly. He wanted me to show grace to David and be a light in his life, show him what God's love looks like and the power His love has in our lives when we surrender to His will. I had no reason to be rude and cold to someone I didn't know and who was I to judge his character, especially based on someone else's opinion.



Don't read into my words like I did with other peoples'. David was saved by grace through faith just like me and just like every other Believer. But in the same breath, he was wandering just like many Christians today. He was trying to find God's will for his life and got stuck in a rut of living life without intention, which lead him to friendships that weren't pointing him to Christ. We ALL have wandered and we ALL have felt lukewarm in our faith.

He never walked away from his faith, he served in ministry religiously when his faith seemed weakest, when his Brothers and Sister's in Christ caused him the most pain. His heart never turned cold against children or the elderly. He just stopped seeing the love of Christ from his fellow believers.

It became all about pointing out his flaws rather than pointing him back to the One who died for his flaws.

So in faith I walked in what I believe was God's convictions on my heart and will for my future and I replied to David's message.

The following days were filled with outpouring of both of our hearts. I wanted him to see me not as another fellow Christian who holds a place of judgement in his life but as a Sister in Christ who has had a desire to see him turn back to the Father with a fervent love for His Savior. I am a sinner just as he is. I remember asking him "If we don't recognize our sin, how can we come to the point of realizing our need for a Savior?" His tone change in his messages. It was almost like with each day, each verse, each word of encouragement, his spirit was lifted. When his heart was burdened by questions and the inability to move on from his past, I would type out my prayers. He needed to know someone cared, he needed to feel God's loving arms wrap around him as he was lifted in prayer.

There came a day when I stopped replying and instead poured out my heart to the Lord. I needed to see Him in David's heart. I knew He was there but I needed to see David take his faith and run toward God, leaving the past hurt behind. God heard me and David sent me a message the next day. It wasn't small talk, it wasn't the normal "What's up? How are you?" It was "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." He then said that he was leaving the past behind and wanted to see life again in the way that I had been showing him. He was turning a new leaf.

There is nothing more beautiful than watching a child run back into the arms of a loving father. 

God met me where I needed Him. He gave me the peace I needed to keep walking in faith. I will never forget that feeling in that moment...because in that moment, with joyful tears running down my face, I knew, I loved David.

CNC Graduate 2014

Like I said in my last post, this past year has been packed and full of memories. July 2014 brought with it so many changes and one of my biggest accomplishments thus far.....I graduated from college!

Starting in July of 2012, I studied Holistic Nutritional Counselling through Trinity School of Natural Health. CNC was a correspondence program based out of Indiana and was right in line with my desires to carry out a natural minded lifestyle.

If you are looking to learn about your body, it's chemistry and anatomy, what aids and harms you, and how to approach ailments with food, herbs, and homeopathic medicine, I'd highly recommend TSoNH. They have a selection of different programs that fit your desires to learn.

Check them out!




A special thank you to my parents and sister who helped me through my degree, especially when I was sick. You were my biggest cheerleaders and I couldn't have crossed the finish line without you.

Of Weddings and Butterflies

It's safe to say that I am quick to forget about this little corner of the internet and I have yet to keep up on my health updates (check back next week for the latest news). You might have thought that I didn't have anything interesting going on, however, my life the last 12 months have been anything but boring. In order to catch you up, I will have to go back to June 2014.

In light of my health issues, I had quit my job at a local bakery and been focusing on my schooling for about 3 months now. Out of nowhere, a young lady called me asking if I would be interested in an office job. Due to the lower amount of hours as well as greatly reduced physical stress on my body by comparison to the bakeries, I accepted. I quickly learned that my position would be a replacement for the secretary who was getting married in mid July. Thanks to the solitude and lighter work load, we were able to spend a lot of time, in between phone calls and paperwork, chatting about her wedding and her fiance. She told me about her dreams, their relationship thus far, her family and his as well. I learned that she had a younger sister who was a couple years younger than me and he had two younger brothers. His youngest brother was also engaged to be married roughly nine months after they were and the middle brother was single.

Something about the way she spoke of the middle brother pulled on my heart to pray for him. She had shared that his life had carried him through some really tough moments but that his heart was good. I figured I must be crazy for allowing this stranger's words about another stranger to affect me. However, many other situations in my past had taught me that God places people in our lives and on our hearts for a reason, so I began praying.

Two weeks into beginning my training, she invited me to attend her bridal shower. Of course I went! No one turns down an opportunity to celebrate with a soon-to-be-bride. While at the party, I met her sister and mom, as well as her future mother-in-law (Mrs. S). All of these ladies were so kind but I almost didn't want to leave because I was sure I would never see these women again. I remember every single conversation I had with Mrs. S and how she as well as a friend of hers tried to match make me with a young man from their church. {It wasn't until much later that I would find out that this "single young man" was actually Mrs. S's middle son.}

A couple days later, at work, my coworker gave me an invitation to another wedding party being thrown for her by Mrs. S at their house. I was again pleasantly surprised to be invited to take part in another party so I went. The drive out to their house seemed to take forever but the "back country roads", as I considered them, were gorgeous and their neighborhood was stunning. Once we arrived, Mrs. S greeted us and we had another wonderful evening celebrating my coworker's upcoming wedding.

We were all getting ready to leave when a young man came downstairs to grab some cake. I don't remember there being any introductions but I can't lie, he caught my eye. He was a handsome guy standing a tad taller than me, tan complexion (which lets face it, anything is tan compared to me haha), dark brown hair and beard, and gorgeous light brown eyes. For someone who hid behind the lady of the hour and tried to not make eye contact, I am still impressed with how well I remember him from that night. All the other girls knew him from church so there were plenty of people to keep his attention off me, which was perfectly fine, but I was listening and paying close attention.

I had already made the connection that this was David, the single middle son, and I was cautious about how I was going to allow myself to feel about him. He was handsome as all get out but I didn't know him personally so that was that. Not to mention the fact that once my coworker got married and moved across the country, I would never see these people again. Despite my emotional nature, I attempted to be realistic and level headed...which for me meant hiding and internally cramming every little emotion-driven thought back into the little corner of my heart that they belonged in. On my own though, I would admit that I felt like a little school girl, swooning over the handsome jock who walked by, thinking that he loves me merely because we shared the same air for a split second.

But the night ended and I was back in my bed thinking that I was crazy about having a crush on a guy that I only knew about secondhand and only seen once in person....never to be seen again.

Once again I was proven wrong when my coworker expressed how much she had enjoyed our work friendship and how she wanted me to celebrate with her on her wedding day as well.

It was a beautiful wedding and all was well until the receiving line, when the bride and groom, along with their family, are congratulated. I shook everyone's hand and expressed my congratulations until I got to the flower girl. She was a cute little lady and I remember leaning down to whisper "You're so pretty! I love your dress!" only to hear "Well, I think you're really pretty" slip between the lips of the fine young man standing next to her. You are exactly right, it was David...that sly middle son who was trying to be nice and compliment me.

What David wasn't aware of was my intentions to stay far from him, for fear of being a silly school girl in his presence and making a fool of myself. All I could muster as a response was "Well, I think that is my cue to leave." I walked away with cheeks embarrassingly red, I am sure. I had never had a guy compliment me in such a fashion, or maybe I had conveniently forgotten....either way, I had no idea how to maintain my original goal and tactfully accept such a compliment. So I did what my brain told me to, which was to call in reinforcement on my poor little emotional heart and place it under lock and key until I could leave the following reception.

Celebrations followed nearby and I was grateful to have been placed at the table with the young ladies I had gotten to know at the parties. One of the ladies didn't show so there was an open seat and at some point, the maid of honor had left her seat open temporarily. One of the young men, Jeff, from the church came over and started chatting with his friends at "my" table. He soon turned to me asking if I was interested in David, if I'd be willing to dance with him, if I wanted his number, etc. I was sure that my cover was blown and that David had sent Jeff over to harass me as a sort of wing man. I was beyond displeased by the time David made his way over to the table. What? Were we in grade school again? I thought he must be out of his mind to attempt a relationship on such shallow terms. He sat down and asked me if anyone was going to drink the unclaimed water. I snapped at him telling him he could have it along with all the other things at that open seat. Ok, so I might have tossed the name plate and favor over toward him while I was being rude but I am very ashamed of my words and actions that night so you can now forget the last few sentences ;).

It didn't take but a second for me to regret how I treated him. I remembered back to the conversations with the bride at work...."He needs good loyal friends who are going to keep pointing him back to Christ" "He needs someone to show him Christ-like love" "He is a good guy with a great heart, he just hasn't had the best experiences". That whole night was me feeling relieved that I didn't have someone pursuing me any longer but also sickening remorse for how I treated a person I knew could use a true friend. That night I went home and prayed for David, asking forgiveness for how I treated him. Again, I thought I would never see him again, nor his family.....or so I thought.