Holistic Home Living: "The Love Language of All Marriages is Self-Denial"- When Laziness Turns "I Do" Into "I Wish I Hadn't"

A woman came into my office today and right away she felt compelled to empty her mind of her frustrations with her husband and then tell me "Be sure you love him before you say 'I do' because otherwise after 15 years of being his wife by night and mother by day, you will wish you hadn't." Ouch! She then began to share why she had lost all respect and adoration for her soulmate.

It's very sad to hear women share their burdened hearts about their husband's unwillingness to help around the house. I truly believe every good woman wants to love on their husband and take care of their home without needing to request assistance but the truth is, they get tired and they feel hurt that the one they love is happy to receive the blessings but not willing to lend a hand.

Men, you can't just be a 9-5 husband, you can't be satisfied with making a paycheck and letting your wife do everything at home, raise the kids, and work a job. Show some grace, please. It's okay if you have never had to do laundry, maybe it's time to show your lady some love and learn. Don't be afraid, we all have to learn at some point, it's better to do it now while you are still married than to have an angry wife or even worse, no wife and no one to do it for you. If you wanted a mother, you shouldn't have found a wife.

Mothers, please teach your sons to cook, clean, and have an overall respect for people who help them with those needs. You would hate to be the source of frustration when he gets married and his wife realizes that you did everything for him and now he is inexperienced and unwilling.

Just listening to these women makes my heart sad knowing that they loved this man but now feel abused by all of his expectations and lack of help. Respect is very important to a man, however when these husbands exasperate their wives so much, they break down the respect that their wife once had for them.

Now, wives, here is also something I have observed (and been guilty of as well) that I also know to be a sinful attitude in marriages.....anger comes from fear, frustration or hurt. Ask yourself: Why am I angry? What do I fear? What is the source of my frustration? Why am I hurt? If you break it down, you are left with pride and selfishness. I'll bet you are keeping score in your marriage. Are you showing signs of long-suffering?

It's easy to allow dirty socks and the unfounded unwillingness to rinse a cup and place it in the dishwasher to become grounds in your mind for why you have reason to respect him less, treat him badly or worse, publicly vent about your marriage....however, the lack of: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control are equally sinful in the eyes of the Lord.

Can I say that I know the answer to this? No. I'm sure every woman who has experienced this form of frustration in her marriage would say that the answer is simply "He should help!" but yelling at him to help you is equally effective as him yelling back for you to show him respect. Grace, prayer, long-suffering, prayer, patience, and some more prayer is going to be necessary. Once the Lord convicts him and he starts trying to help, grace, grace, a whole lot of grace! He is learning. Don't treat him like a child by being demeaning however, know that he is trying to show you love by helping and that you might have to let go of some things (OCD tendencies ladies?!) and be patient as he learns. What you will realize is that while he is learning how to wash a dish or clean clothes, you are learning the art of submission and prayer.