"The Love Language of All Marriages is Self-Denial"- When Laziness Turns "I Do" Into "I Wish I Hadn't"

A woman came into my office today and right away she felt compelled to empty her mind of her frustrations with her husband and then tell me "Be sure you love him before you say 'I do' because otherwise after 15 years of being his wife by night and mother by day, you will wish you hadn't." Ouch! She then began to share why she had lost all respect and adoration for her soulmate.

It's very sad to hear women share their burdened hearts about their husband's unwillingness to help around the house. I truly believe every good woman wants to love on their husband and take care of their home without needing to request assistance but the truth is, they get tired and they feel hurt that the one they love is happy to receive the blessings but not willing to lend a hand.

Men, you can't just be a 9-5 husband, you can't be satisfied with making a paycheck and letting your wife do everything at home, raise the kids, and work a job. Show some grace, please. It's okay if you have never had to do laundry, maybe it's time to show your lady some love and learn. Don't be afraid, we all have to learn at some point, it's better to do it now while you are still married than to have an angry wife or even worse, no wife and no one to do it for you. If you wanted a mother, you shouldn't have found a wife.


Mothers, please teach your sons to cook, clean, and have an overall respect for people who help them with those needs. You would hate to be the source of frustration when he gets married and his wife realizes that you did everything for him and now he is inexperienced and unwilling.

Just listening to these women makes my heart sad knowing that they loved this man but now feel abused by all of his expectations and lack of help. Respect is very important to a man, however when these husbands exasperate their wives so much, they break down the respect that their wife once had for them.

Now, wives, here is also something I have observed (and been guilty of as well) that I also know to be a sinful attitude in marriages.....anger comes from fear, frustration or hurt. Ask yourself: Why am I angry? What do I fear? What is the source of my frustration? Why am I hurt? If you break it down, you are left with pride and selfishness. I'll bet you are keeping score in your marriage. Are you showing signs of long-suffering?

It's easy to allow dirty socks and the unfounded unwillingness to rinse a cup and place it in the dishwasher to become grounds in your mind for why you have reason to respect him less, treat him badly or worse, publicly vent about your marriage....however, the lack of: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control are equally sinful in the eyes of the Lord.

Can I say that I know the answer to this? No. I'm sure every woman who has experienced this form of frustration in her marriage would say that the answer is simply "He should help!" but yelling at him to help you is equally effective as him yelling back for you to show him respect. Grace, prayer, long-suffering, prayer, patience, and some more prayer is going to be necessary. Once the Lord convicts him and he starts trying to help, grace, grace, a whole lot of grace! He is learning. Don't treat him like a child by being demeaning however, know that he is trying to show you love by helping and that you might have to let go of some things (OCD tendencies ladies?!) and be patient as he learns. What you will realize is that while he is learning how to wash a dish or clean clothes, you are learning the art of submission and prayer.

Convicting isn't it? 

Something I recently was introduced to is the idea of a "Love Tank".....

For more information on the concept of a "Love Tank" visit this website

When Wisdom Gets Removed and the Thunder Rolls

My memory in the process of writing these blog posts was sadly lacking! I completely forgot to share our favorite memory from the beginning of our relationship!

If you'll bear with me, I will take you back to Tuesday, July 29, 2014 and Wednesday, July 30, 2014. 

David remembers Tuesday as a day of fear and anxiety, of not knowing if his wisdom tooth extractions were going to end up with him in the hospital due to his body's slow clotting abilities. In fact, it is David who reminded me of this day in our history because to him, this was the moment he knew he loved me. We had made a habit of texting around the clock and Tuesday was no different except I knew he had surgery and he was definitely nervous about bleeding out and not waking up. I don't know how it came down to music but I remember us sending each other country music clips from the 90s to help distract him. It seemed to work until the afternoon brought out more fears in David than I could calm down. This is the moment I mentioned a few posts back where I prayed for God to show me David's faith. It was around 3am and I didn't want David to be too tired right before the surgery so we ended our conversation. I prayed for about an hour, lifting up David's health and spiritual life, asking for quick healing and a clear view of his faith. 

We both only ended up waking up at 6am and soon after, my phone went off. David had sent me a verse without any knowledge of my burdened heart or prayers the night before. I was comforted and felt at peace about our progressing friendship and set out to help him maintain his nerves as he was taken to the dentist office. While he was in the waiting room, he mentioned that he really likes "Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks. I wasn't in a place to call him but I wanted to comfort him so I began typing out the lyrics to the song as a technologically advanced form of singing to him. Corny? Very much so. Did I care? Not one bit, I was falling for him. 

His surgery went very fast (I'm not jealous :P, his was merely 30min and mine was roughly 2 1/2 hours) and despite my initial push for him to nap, he said he was home alone for the weekend and wanted me to keep texting him so I would know if he ended up having a bad reaction to anything. It took all of my self-control to not hop over to make him jello and pudding and mashed potatoes and rice and ice cream and and and and. The best I could do was put a get-well kit together for him and deliver it to one of his friends so they could deliver it to him. I didn't know what he had or didn't have so there was an ice pack, two boxes of jello, two boxes of pudding, herbal tea to help stop the bleeding and sooth the gums, and gauze. 

To add to it all, his grandmother's (Mamos) health had taken a turn for the worse about a week before David's surgery. She was in a coma and his family had gone to see her in case God called her home. David has a very close connection with his Mamos and it broke his heart that he was not there to say good-bye but due to the surgery, he was in no place to make the eight hour trip to see her. Comforting him was very difficult from across town but it allowed an opportunity for him to share his favorite memories of his Mamos and Papos with me. 

We ended up talking all night long and though I wish I had encouraged him more forcefully to sleep, I look back and remember that being the night that I fell 100% in love with him and how much I wanted to be by his side forever. Tuesday July 29, 2014, David fell in love with me. Wednesday, July 30, 2014, I fell in love with David and allowed it to begin growing without limits. 

PS: Mamos ended up making an (almost) full recovery. She learned that she is diabetic and has slowly worked toward restoring her health. She still has a ways to go but we are all so happy to be blessed with another year with her. I have only been blessed to speak with her over the phone a few times and in person over the course of a family wedding but I love her dearly and can see why David holds her so close to his heart. She has both inspired and encouraged David, supported his dreams and ignited a fire to fight for his future. 

One Year Down, Many More to Come

Well sweetheart, tomorrow marks a year since we first truly met. I used to wish I could go back in time and change how I treated you, how I made you feel. I am glad I don't have that ability, I honestly don't think we would be where we are today except that God brought us here with each step. We are 5 months from our own wedding, yet today, all I can think about was the wedding we met at a year ago. Sure, we saw each other before the wedding but it wasn't until July 19, 2014 that God brought us to the point of speaking and in a week more, it will mark the beginning of our friendship. You are my best friend and the love of my life. You are my comforter and my favorite fishing buddy :D .

Thank you for this past year. For putting up with my craziness and taking the time to console my broken heart. For being my partner in crime, for not judging me when I consume a family size bag of Doritos solo, for taking me all over to all the wedding shows in an effort to expend me of my crazy wedding planning energy so you don't have to listen to my unbearable indecisiveness between tables/no tables, veil/no veil, haha. I will forever treasure our times of trial and healing, our late night discussions on the hard things of life and your unwavering devotion. I look forward to many more because they remind me that no matter what, love is a choice, one that we have both continued to make during some of the hardest parts of our lives thus far. Things are looking up my love, we will soon be husband and wife and no matter what this world continues to throw at us, we will have each other and with God, that is all that matters.

I love you handsome, I can't wait to see what the next 5 months bring us. I wouldn't want to venture through life with anyone else. ~Your Bride

When God Says Go

In our year of financial struggles, we both set in our minds that we would do our job and prepare for rain. May 2015 brought so much rain (literally and figuratively) that our cups of joy were overflowing. We knew God had His BEST in mind for us and we were at peace in His timing.

Nine months of constantly filling multiple applications daily, scouring the classifieds and online job listings, God taught us to be still. We reluctantly let go of our desire for control over our job situation and what seemed to be a dry spell turned into the biggest flood of provision I have ever felt in my life. We both heard back from prospective employers simultaneously and after the shock wore off, we both realized the weight of prayerfully considering each job and seeking God's will before we accepted. David had four jobs to choose from and I had three. "My cup runeth over" was at the forefront of my mind and still to this day, I feel so incredibly blessed by not only the jobs we have but also by the lesson that the Lord had taught us both.

We learned to be patient even when it scares us, when we don't know how we will get him to work because we might not have enough money to buy the gas more less pay the car note. We learned to see the blessing in disguise, letting a job pass by because it was detrimental to my health. Lastly we learned how to draw closer to each other and how pivotal it is for us to make God the center of our relationship and take our concerns to the Lord.

When things looked the most grim, we realized our love for each other the most. Sure there weren't many outings and gift giving was beyond minimal (read: making each other rice and chicken and watching Netflix off another family member's account = date night) but I honestly wouldn't change anything for any amount of material things. My favorite gift from David is still his hugs. How far into a marriage do people normally go before they experience hard times that are the determining factor of if they stay or go. How far into a marriage does one of the spouses experience illness or physical-mental turmoil due to health issues?

"For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health"

We weren't even engaged at that point and we both had quickly learned the weight of those words and decided if these were vows we were ready to put into action. How many people make it to the alter and repeat those words without a true understanding of the promises they are making? It was difficult to go through all of that with my boyfriend but it solidified in my mind his love for me and his determination to see us through to the day we became husband and wife and the many decades to follow. 

We prepared the fields for nine months and God brought the rain...with a focus on our heart's desires.

I am so proud of David for becoming a security officer and pursuing the first chapter toward his dream. He sure does looks good in his uniform ;)

We never doubted God's plans, even in our darkest hour, even when empty soda cans paid our bills. 

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Planning and Parties

After our engagement in January, we settled on our wedding date. December 19, 2015 will be the day we will cease being two people and step into married life. 

Our first post-engagement date was to a local store to set up our registry! It was a tad early in our wedding plans but it was so much fun taking time out of our lives to imagine establishing our home together in a year's time. 

We quickly learned how much fun wedding shows are too! Not to mention, how profitable the vendor information is. 

 I think we look so young in this photo. He's so handsome!!!!!!




Wedding planning has been a lot of fun and I am sure as we get closer, it will pick up moments of stress but God has shown Himself to us in so many ways.

Perfect Will for an Imperfect Couple

Time seemed to fly by in one moment and creep along in the other. We were barely keeping afloat. We both had our biggest needs provided at no cost but it seemed that even our smallest bills were too much to handle. Our desires for a short engagement were not looking to be possible any time soon. We decided to be happy in the chapter we were dwelling in instead of rushing into the next one outside of God's timing.

Thanksgiving came and went, so did Christmas and New Years. January 3, 2015 we hosted a holiday party for our friends in an effort to have a game night, something that was becoming more and more difficult to execute. Despite me breaking my right hand New Years Eve, we were able to follow through with the party. It was so much fun to have everyone together and start introducing our friends to each other. We ate, played a few rounds of laughter filled games and as the night was closing in, we took a group photo. 

It was at this point, when everyone started filing out of the room that I realized this wasn't your average holiday party. 

He told me how much he loved me and that he couldn't think of anyone else he'd want to spend the rest of his life with. I started crying as soon as he started talking. Poor guy wasn't able to say everything he wanted to say before my emotions influenced his.

(I am not a pretty crier haha)

I said yes!

We both knew that our desires for a short engagement might not be God's Will but at least we had each other and the knowledge that we would soon be husband and wife. We left the details in God's hands.

As the congratulations came to a close, David confessed that he had secured the ring two months prior and that he took the ring everywhere to show everyone for the first few weeks haha. He is such a spirited man. I loved hearing the stories from all of our friends about when and how David told them his plans and showed them the ring. Nothing made me more joyful than hearing David's love toward me shared through each and every one of our loved ones. He is truly a loving man and I am going to be his lucky wife!

From Best Friend to Best Friend for Life

I am not exactly sure when we started dating but I know that it was some time around August 3, 2014. We didn't go out to dinner or the movies, we mostly spoke on the phone for the first month of our relationship. In the span of a month and a half, we learned so much about each other and I loved every minute. We both had so many "getting to know you" questions that we made a game of asking them. We traded off asking and answering until we ran out of questions for the day so we would share about our day and start over the next day with a new list of questions. It was exciting learning about him and his childhood. He was also a military brat and was blessed with the opportunity to travel so many places. 

It wasn't long before we shifted from learning about our pasts to asking about our futures. What do you want to do for a living? What are you most passionate about? Where do you want to be 2,5,10 years from now? What does a family look like to you? These were just some of the thought provoking, heart studying questions we threw back and forth.

I was amazed with how deep his thoughts were. Over the years, I had learned that a guy who is a deep thinker/intellectual was hard to come by. David was definitely holding back a flood of intelligence but here and there, I would get a peak at his mind...it was beautiful. 

As time went on, I realized just how blessed I was by his friendship. 

David is such a compassionate soul and he has a wonderful providing tendency. It wasn't long before he was bringing me food to bible study to make sure I had something my body could tolerate. He would bring me chai tea at work when he knew my blood sugar was unstable. If there was an accident on the road I frequently drove home, he would warn me and ask me to take another route to make sure I got home safely. It was no surprise that he wanted to be a police officer. God definitely has given him a heart of protection. 

He not only spoke of wanting to protect my safety but he wanted even more to protect my heart. He was determined to bring God glory in our relationship.

When things got tough in the fall, David stepped up to make sure everything was provided for. As best he could, he worked to cover bills and when his hours were low, he was right next to me doing odd jobs to make ends meet. It was right around this point that we knew we wanted to be together till death do us part. We talked about getting married AS SOON as our financial struggles were over but God had a different timeline than us. We were at peace though, because we had each other.